The Run
I have been training to run my first 5K with the Couch to 5K program (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml). After some on and mostly off days of working out and then an entire week of not doing it at all, I had an epic win today. I got on that treadmill and ran for 25 minutes and 44 seconds - or 2 miles! It was such an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. What struck me though, is that in the moments that followed that epic moment, I didn't feel the kind of support I thought I would after such a milestone. My husband said "great job babe, you are awesome" as he chased after our daughters to put their coats on... I posted emphatically on Facebook to get a few "you go girl" comments... And then I let the issue rest. I sat back and thought to myself...well what did you expect people to do/say? It was then that I realised that being super excited for myself, was ENOUGH for me! Wow... I usually have such ulterior motives for doing something, and I thrive on verbal encouragement and get the most gratification out of being applauded by those in my life. But today, I praised God - for His faithfulness and endurance in my life - and thanked Him for beginning to show me that I was enough, and I only needed to know how proud He was of me.
Perfect Love
I read this beautiful email and I just wanted to share it...hopefully she won't mind me passing it on...it was such a blessing for me in my moment of being an overwhelmed mom. I am so thankful that God sends these small things for me at just the appropriate time. (Charmai and her husband are missionaries in Ecuador. My husband was lucky enough to spend some time there last spring with CMDA.)
"Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been fathered by God and knows God. The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1-John
My husband (Roberto) is in the States right now, he has been for about a week. I was terrified when he left, perhaps many of you would have sympathy for me and reason the fear away with “Well, if I was left in the jungle for the first time with the responsibilities of nine kids and a ministry, I would be a little scared too”. But remember the verse “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love”. Just what does that verse pertain to anyway? Does it mean ALL fear?? And what does fear have to do with love, practically speaking??
Well, let me tell you what I have learned. I’m going to use the story of one of my little boys to help you grasp the depth of my revelation.
I have a son ( Antony) who was destined to be a Shaaman (witch doctor) from birth. He has seen and carried evil spirits, probably since birth as well. His sister told me there was a time when he was 5 years old that he was running around naked and hit her in the head with a rock, she passed out. Their father became very angry and began to chase him, until he chased him away. Their mother began to worry as the hours passed, and her naked 5 year old son did not come home. So by night fall she took a lamp and went to search for him, she finally found him. He had gone a long way, deep into the jungle; he was sleeping on the floor covered with leeches. She brought him home and bathed him; their father never said a word.
Now this same boy is 9 years old. A week or two ago he had gotten real upset. My husband heard him sobbing, so went to check on him, and found him on the shower floor curled up in a ball. While my husband was praying for him, our son began to say that he saw blood on his hands, and he began to say “they’re here, I can see them”. My husband called me, I was in the middle of scrubbing baby poo out of Mireya’s panties, but recognized the urgency right away. We then called Hannah, and Dario and all of us began to pray for him, in the shower. He kept looking at something above our heads, crying and saying over and over “they’re here, I see them”. He looked so tense and frightened; his eyes would roll back from time to time. The only thing that finally calmed him down was when Roberto got him to repeat after him saying “Jesus is my king, Jesus is my God”. I believe that he became a believer that day; I also believe that he was freed from a great bondage. But even before this happened, his family had seen him recently and they were stunned, they said over and over again to his sister “Wow, I can’t believe how much he’s changed! Is that really him! He’s not even mean anymore!”
Each of our kids has their story; each is barely recognizable in their old environment. Max for example, is a street kid who came to us at 12 years old. Sometimes he had a house to go to, but he preferred to be on the street. His mother told me that he would leave in the morning and not come back for days, or so she thought until she caught him sneaking under the house late a night. (The houses in the jungle are on stilts). He would sleep under the house, I wish all of you could see what that looks like, because it is disgusting, shocking, not to mention very unsanitary. What would drive a child to that extent to keep his presence hidden, yet return there every night? (rhetorical) With that kind of background, I would expect him to be a hopeless, dangerous, mess. Yet, he is the man while Roberto is away. The other day I asked him to do me the favor of sweeping the kitchen, he said yes, and proceeded to mop it as well, then he went out and swept all the leaves off the porch. Amen!
I tell you this because, this is what love does. It works in contradiction to fear, no more needing to be insecure, defensive, secretive. No more needing to protect yourself from oncoming wrath, or anything for that matter. Jesus took care of that on the cross. We are free! Perfect love casts out all fear! Sure if you make a mistake, even on purpose you will have to go through the discipline and resulting consequence of your choice, but it’s ok! Because He’s going to go through it with you!
He has given Roberto and I the responsibility of showing them this love. But I had to fully experience it first before I could fully give it. I used to be afraid that I couldn’t handle the responsibility on my own, and I was afraid of being alone with all my kids, because I thought I had to control them and I knew I couldn’t. But I have learned that I can’t control anyone but myself, my job is just to love them and guide them, and even their worst future sin has already been paid for. So I have no reason to fear it. Remember “fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love”. I’m on their side, and they are going to make lots of purposeful mistakes, but its ok, because I’m going to be right there alongside them as they learn.
I am in no means saying that my children and I are walking lights cured of all frailties. But we are definitely on God’s path and he has a plan to bulldoze us with the freedom that comes from His love. I hope through this journal you have been able to see what God’s love has done, not only to my children’s lives, but to mine as well. –Charmai Davalos
Father I pray that each person that reads this knows or comes to know the truth of the perfect love that drives out ALL fear. May you give us the courage to live the lives you have called us to-Amen
Charmai Davalos"
"Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been fathered by God and knows God. The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1-John
My husband (Roberto) is in the States right now, he has been for about a week. I was terrified when he left, perhaps many of you would have sympathy for me and reason the fear away with “Well, if I was left in the jungle for the first time with the responsibilities of nine kids and a ministry, I would be a little scared too”. But remember the verse “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love”. Just what does that verse pertain to anyway? Does it mean ALL fear?? And what does fear have to do with love, practically speaking??
Well, let me tell you what I have learned. I’m going to use the story of one of my little boys to help you grasp the depth of my revelation.
I have a son ( Antony) who was destined to be a Shaaman (witch doctor) from birth. He has seen and carried evil spirits, probably since birth as well. His sister told me there was a time when he was 5 years old that he was running around naked and hit her in the head with a rock, she passed out. Their father became very angry and began to chase him, until he chased him away. Their mother began to worry as the hours passed, and her naked 5 year old son did not come home. So by night fall she took a lamp and went to search for him, she finally found him. He had gone a long way, deep into the jungle; he was sleeping on the floor covered with leeches. She brought him home and bathed him; their father never said a word.
Now this same boy is 9 years old. A week or two ago he had gotten real upset. My husband heard him sobbing, so went to check on him, and found him on the shower floor curled up in a ball. While my husband was praying for him, our son began to say that he saw blood on his hands, and he began to say “they’re here, I can see them”. My husband called me, I was in the middle of scrubbing baby poo out of Mireya’s panties, but recognized the urgency right away. We then called Hannah, and Dario and all of us began to pray for him, in the shower. He kept looking at something above our heads, crying and saying over and over “they’re here, I see them”. He looked so tense and frightened; his eyes would roll back from time to time. The only thing that finally calmed him down was when Roberto got him to repeat after him saying “Jesus is my king, Jesus is my God”. I believe that he became a believer that day; I also believe that he was freed from a great bondage. But even before this happened, his family had seen him recently and they were stunned, they said over and over again to his sister “Wow, I can’t believe how much he’s changed! Is that really him! He’s not even mean anymore!”
Each of our kids has their story; each is barely recognizable in their old environment. Max for example, is a street kid who came to us at 12 years old. Sometimes he had a house to go to, but he preferred to be on the street. His mother told me that he would leave in the morning and not come back for days, or so she thought until she caught him sneaking under the house late a night. (The houses in the jungle are on stilts). He would sleep under the house, I wish all of you could see what that looks like, because it is disgusting, shocking, not to mention very unsanitary. What would drive a child to that extent to keep his presence hidden, yet return there every night? (rhetorical) With that kind of background, I would expect him to be a hopeless, dangerous, mess. Yet, he is the man while Roberto is away. The other day I asked him to do me the favor of sweeping the kitchen, he said yes, and proceeded to mop it as well, then he went out and swept all the leaves off the porch. Amen!
I tell you this because, this is what love does. It works in contradiction to fear, no more needing to be insecure, defensive, secretive. No more needing to protect yourself from oncoming wrath, or anything for that matter. Jesus took care of that on the cross. We are free! Perfect love casts out all fear! Sure if you make a mistake, even on purpose you will have to go through the discipline and resulting consequence of your choice, but it’s ok! Because He’s going to go through it with you!
He has given Roberto and I the responsibility of showing them this love. But I had to fully experience it first before I could fully give it. I used to be afraid that I couldn’t handle the responsibility on my own, and I was afraid of being alone with all my kids, because I thought I had to control them and I knew I couldn’t. But I have learned that I can’t control anyone but myself, my job is just to love them and guide them, and even their worst future sin has already been paid for. So I have no reason to fear it. Remember “fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love”. I’m on their side, and they are going to make lots of purposeful mistakes, but its ok, because I’m going to be right there alongside them as they learn.
I am in no means saying that my children and I are walking lights cured of all frailties. But we are definitely on God’s path and he has a plan to bulldoze us with the freedom that comes from His love. I hope through this journal you have been able to see what God’s love has done, not only to my children’s lives, but to mine as well. –Charmai Davalos
Father I pray that each person that reads this knows or comes to know the truth of the perfect love that drives out ALL fear. May you give us the courage to live the lives you have called us to-Amen
Charmai Davalos"
An Aching Heart
Yesterday was my first Sunday as a member of the Healing Room prayer team. During our second service we have a "healing" room available to anyone who needs prayer - physical, mental, spiritual needs. I knew that God was calling me to join this team long ago but finally took the neccessary steps to actively engage doing it.
At a meeting last week it had been announced that they were going to be waiting awhile before adding any new team members but anyone was welcome to come to their training meetings. I knew God had called me to this but I thought maybe it wasn't the right time since they weren't taking anyone new. A few days later the guy in charge of the team called me and asked me to be on the team. I laughed because isn't that just like God? So anyway, I think I cried every time I prayed for someone. My heart was just aching for people. I really feel that God was giving me an open door to feel how His heart felt about these people and situations. It was a good place to be, but also the reality of the broken-hearted was hard to endure. I am so glad God ministers to us in prayer. Even today I heard of two difficult situations, a mother who lost her infant son, the age of my infant son, to pneumonia. And then a Mauritian friend who is a young mother, whose husband is unaccounted for in the Haiti earthquake. I have been praying for both of these women and the situations facing them. My heart is aching today...
At a meeting last week it had been announced that they were going to be waiting awhile before adding any new team members but anyone was welcome to come to their training meetings. I knew God had called me to this but I thought maybe it wasn't the right time since they weren't taking anyone new. A few days later the guy in charge of the team called me and asked me to be on the team. I laughed because isn't that just like God? So anyway, I think I cried every time I prayed for someone. My heart was just aching for people. I really feel that God was giving me an open door to feel how His heart felt about these people and situations. It was a good place to be, but also the reality of the broken-hearted was hard to endure. I am so glad God ministers to us in prayer. Even today I heard of two difficult situations, a mother who lost her infant son, the age of my infant son, to pneumonia. And then a Mauritian friend who is a young mother, whose husband is unaccounted for in the Haiti earthquake. I have been praying for both of these women and the situations facing them. My heart is aching today...
I want to be David
Not only is my pastor, Josh Kouri, teaching on David, but David is probably my favorite person in the Bible (after Jesus of course). As I have been learning about David, reading about his life, reading his psalms... I realised how much I want to be David. Aldo and I were talking about him on a 3 hour drive home this week and what unfolded was a great revelation for me, personally, spiritually. David did not create his intense passion for God, his desire to worship and seek God's heart was not born of himself, it was not something he "did" and therefore was rewarded by being the "man after God's own heart". The very key to David's devotion was that he simply understood God. He understood God's enormity, strength, beauty, power, majesty.... simply fully understanding who God is - would result in a life passionately poured out into serving God on every level. As one of my favorite worshippers, Jason Upton, sings, "I have given Jacob's generation, the key of David, intimacy. To open up the doorway to the nations, and release Revelation, of intimacy, with Me." The way I see it - the only way I will ever worship and pursue God on the level that I desire, the level of David, is by intimately knowing Him.
Too Long
It has been TOO long since I posted here. Naturally other things took priority over sitting at the computer typing but still I enjoy it and hope to be more committed to this little blog that probably no one reads but me - which is fine! God has really reached out to me and ministered to me on such a deep level these last months. I had some great counseling with my mother in law before Loic was born September 10th, 2009. I think now that Aldo has really hit rotations in full stride, and I have had my inlaws in house for nearly 6 months, not to mention the holidays, a blizzard, and two puppies...I am so worn out. Mentally, physically, even spiritually. BUT I am so excited to move through the exhaustion, to learn more about how God is perfected in my so obvious weaknesses. As my pastor, Josh Kouri, spoke this morning about suffering well, and using times of difficulty to know God better, I felt God reaching out to me again, reminding me that I DO NOT have it all together, and that it is not even His intention that I do. After all, if I could do it all myself, would I be glorifying Him?
Lift me up
I needed the weekend I had. I needed my husband to take a break from studying and just hang out with us. We walked and walked and enjoyed an arts festival. I loved that we could walk to church and God really filled me with peace sunday. I think watching both of my little girls dancing and enjoying worship put things into perspective for me. I want to be content with where I am. I think I am focusing too much on what the future holds and missing the whole point of the present. I am trying to be the best mother I can and in order to do that I need to live in this moment. I still feel at a loss on a day to day basis. I try to do fun things and keep my house in order but I am learning that staying home has sacrifices involved. I feel like I have so much to learn about being an adult, let alone a parent. I am simply sitting under God's grace right now because I feel I am not doing a great job at either of those things.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
Aldo and I have started researching associates(mission organizations) of MedSend. MedSend repays medical student loans for people entering long term medical missions. Obviously most associates could use a PA-C (physician assistant) and myself and the kids would travel with Aldo but as I step back and try to think of our future I feel like I have nothing to offer. I know the "pat answer" to my own questions and that where ever we are I will be used but with no skill or formal education in any area I just feel so useless. As I am reading through applications I feel like all I can say is "I am passionate about serving people and I am a mom." Which on paper doesn't seem very appealing in my opinion. I wish I could say, "I can teach" or "I am a nurse". Something with tangible licensure. I know that we are called to serve and I am a firm believer in God taking care of everything, its just my practical, logical self that doesn't see how I will be contributing on the mission field, here or abroad. All I have done is make beautiful babies and be a parent. I feel like I should have some skill or ability to offer...but I don't see what that is right now.
