The Weight of the Issue

I promise I will be more consistent with this blog... or not. The important thing is that when I have something to say... I generally come here where no one will read it, and "say" it. Either way it is therapeutic. I don't want anyone to be confused by the name of my blog. I am not becoming beautiful for the mirror in front of me... I am seeking the kind of beauty that reflects Jesus when people look at me.

Since I got married I have struggled with my weight. And what I mean by "struggled" is that I was really unhappy with being overweight, which is a mental battle believe me, but really did nothing about it. Once I started having children I didn't really stop, so losing weight between pregnancies wasn't even attempted. Finally after dealing with many other issues, I began to feel ready for weight loss. For anyone who thinks weight is simply a physical issue to be tackled through logical means is, sadly, mistaken. The emotions we tie to eating and caring for our own bodies is really pretty intense.

Before I could even fathom losing my weight, I had to deal with many personal issues. I am sure I could have lost weight prior to dealing with these issues (I did one time, back in 2005). However God faithfully revealed to me that before I could focus on my physical body, I had to place real value on my spirit. Now that I have arrived at the ready to become healthy again, so that I may readily serve my God in any situation, and likewise my husband and children, I am ironically at another start point with God. As I began my journal/food journal Wednesday June 2, it occurred to me that what God was doing through my weight loss had very little(if anything at all!) to do with how I looked.

Weight loss is a training ground...it involves commitment, integrity, discipline, sacrifice, perseverance, and many other characteristics that truly enhance our pursuit of Jesus. I realised that God, in His infinite wisdom, was not interested at all in my ability to run a mile, nor the skill of squeezing into a size 8 again. He was fully interested in taking my carefully sutured spirit and cultivating complete restoration, through His ability and not my own. So as I draw near to day three of this "diet" I give thanks that I am learning real commitment to something that is hard and uncomfortable. I rejoice in God's ever present sustenance so that, even when no one is looking, I don't take a slice of that homemade raisin bread from my sweet neighbor. I am absolutely filled with joy knowing that at the end of this training I will be not only physically able to serve God where ever He calls us, but I can truly be of use to Him because I have allowed Him to be the potter, and myself, to be the clay. And make no mistake that it is by His strength, that I have even been able to surrender myself to being a lump of clay.